Running

On the Road to Recovery

I’ve been gone for awhile. I’ve missed blogging, but I’ve had to direct my mental energy elsewhere. I started treatment for an eating disorder a month and a half ago, and I’ve been fighting like hell ever since.

It didn’t help that they took running away. It is hard to maintain a running focused blog, when you aren’t even allowed to go for a walk. I understand why they took exercise away from me, but that didn’t make it any easier. I’ve progressed far enough to be granted a movement plan, but still no running.

However, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Recovery is long and hard and a process. No matter how far the behind you the eating disorder behavior might be, you still have to wake up and choose to stay in recovery every day. I know that I will run again. That has been my major motivator. If I don’t eat, I can’t run. If I don’t show up to treatment and work through my emotions and fears, I can’t have a healthy relationship with exercise. If I don’t do the work, I don’t get to work out.

I promise I will return both to running and blogging. It will have to be a slow journey. Slowly building up the muscles and strength to run and write again. I look forward to the work. I’m sure it will be hard at first, especially when I realize how much endurance, strength, and stamina I’ve lost. It is worth it though. I am gaining my life back through treatment and by choosing recovery. I will get back to a place where running is joyful instead of punishment, freeing instead of binding.

Recovery has opened doors to a new world, and I can’t wait to run through them.

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8 thoughts on “On the Road to Recovery”

  1. So glad to hear from you Allie. So crazy, I just wrote about my eating disorder this week as well. So glad for you that you are in recovery and making your way. You are right, whole new world. It’s yours if you want it girl. Take care of yourself, and again, so glad to hear from you, have thought of you lots!! x

    Liked by 1 person

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